


I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

by deanwinchesterissaved



Series: Drabble boys [10]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Detective Shane Madej, Implied Shyan, Minor Character Death, Minor Shane Madej/Sara Rubin, Self-Hatred, Vigilante Ricky Goldsworth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:53:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21607759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanwinchesterissaved/pseuds/deanwinchesterissaved
Summary: When Detective Shane Madej got the briefing, his blood ran cold. He needed to tell Goldsworth, he owed the man that much.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Series: Drabble boys [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1613827
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57





	I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sarcasticfishes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasticfishes/gifts).

> The original idea came from me wanting to read/write angry Shane because of the 'Goddamn it' he says in the Pennhurst Asylum Post mortem at 11:08, but with more you know, genuine anger. Then the whole situation came to me after reading Waiting for the Sunlight by sarcasticfishes (which is amazing btw, if you read my stuff you've got to check out theirs, it's about a million times better) 
> 
> This fic is absolutely self-indulgence so that I don't have to write another chapter for, um, other stories that I have started, soooo, I hope ya'll like this!

The tall man was let into Ricky's office half a minute after he approached the basement hatch concealing the entrance to Goldsworth's empire. His composure was veiled for those outside the door, but his shoulders were so stiff from the tension that he almost shook with it. Pushing back his rain-soaked hood, he scanned the simply furnished room to find the boss lounging in the armchair, a book in his hands and dressed in black as per usual.

'Mr. Goldsworth," he said. It never hurt to start formal, they always manage to work back to their own peculiar brand of familiarity with a bit of time.

"Detective Madej, a bit on edge, are we?" The smaller man gives him a sly smile that wasn't entirely devoid of warmth, eyes flicking up from the heavy tome to look him over. It had been a while since they last spoke face to face, out of the necessity of course. There have been… complications.

"They know," Shane said tightly and feels a sort of grim satisfaction as Goldsworth sits up in the armchair, eyes widening slightly at the news. It was why he had rushed from the office as soon as he could sneak out of the meeting without drawing attention. If the situation wasn't dealt with, the consequences could doom them all.

"How much do they think they have?" He sounded so damn calm.

"They have your name, your real name, Goldsworth." Shane bit out, "You're a smart man, you know where they will go looking next."

Goldsworth scoffed, standing in a fluid motion to walk over to the plain wooden desk, laying a hand on a faint raised line on the surface. To an outside eye, it would be just a casual stance, but Shane knew of the thin sharp dagger concealed in the unassuming wood, Goldsworth could have the blade at Shane's throat in a second, but the taller man didn't back down, gaze fixed on the downturned face of the boss.

"And where, might I ask, did they find out that piece of information? Not many know it." Goldsworth was looking at him now, eyes sharp and piercing. Shane only met his stare with one equal in intensity.

"It's not important. We--" he cut himself off when Goldworth's eyes glinted dangerously. Now isn't the time to argue about what they had between them, the safety of Goldsworth's people took priority. "_You_ need to take measures to protect them, get them out of town, hell, out of the country even, with how much of the force is being put to track them down."

"Who leads the mission."

'I can't tell you that." Shane swallowed, determined not to look at Goldsworth's hand on the desk. He needed the man to listen to him and exhibiting fear or anxiety is not what the situation needs.

"It's Ilnyckyj isn't it?" Shane's face must have shown enough to confirm his guess, as much as he tried to maintain his mask, and Goldsworth laughed dryly, eyes sharp under the dim light of the room, "Of course it is, only using the best to hunt the worst eh?"

"Don't." Shane's voice was low, a little more control slipping away and a little desperation sneaking in as he walked the two strides it took to stand opposite Goldsworth at the desk. "Andrew is a good man, he's only following orders. He doesn't deserve that."

"And my family does? You know full well what measures they take to hunt down people like me, you've led them." There was venom in every word, raining down onto Shane's battered conscience like knives. How much of what he has done in the name of the King can he really brush off with the excuse of just following orders? He didn't know anymore.

Shane pressed his hands on the desk with as much force as he dared, not for what Ryan might do, but for fear that the walls may be listening. "God damn it, Ryan." He hissed, dropping the name down to a whisper, and Goldsworth flinched as if Shane had struck him. "This goes beyond you and me, it's not a game anymore between you and the crown. They will do anything to find you."

"And are you going to help them?" Goldsworth's voice was steady, but there was unease in his eyes. It had taken a chance encounter, half a dozen clashes and months and months before he had dared to risk trusting a man in the crown's employ, and Shane knew the danger the situation put both of them in, knew it in the twisting knife in his heart where Sara had been.

"I would never--how could you think that?" Disbelief coated his words, but was he really surprised? Like the man said moments ago, there were only that many people who had been given the privilege of knowing who the infamous Ricky Goldsworth really was, each tested and challenged to hell and back before they earned the boss’s trust. It was easier to suspect him than to think that any of them would betray him, Shane was right here.

But the hurt lingered just the same.

"I know how to hold my tongue too, Goldsworth." He had had to learn how.

The hand Goldsworth had on the desk was showing white on the scarred knuckles where he had drawn out the slim blade, and fuck it, this was the last time they would likely see each other ever again, so Shane reached out and grasped Goldsworth's hand with his own. He felt the tendons jump beneath his fingers as if the man had almost flinched but contained himself at the last second.

This sort of contact was new, sure they have done a good deal more, but that had been through the touch of fists and blades against the vulnerable parts of the body, never comforting, never casual. But the man didn't pull away, just looking down at where their hands rested on top of the desk, the tip of the blade tucked to the bare inside of Shane's wrist. 

"You need to get out too, Ryan. Please." His eyes grew damp, and it had nothing to do with the blooming pain where the sharp steel had cut into his skin. All the panic and fear after he heard his captain speak at the briefing condensing to hit him all at once, taking away his breath, and his voice shook with the effort it took to remain presentable, barely over a whisper.

"I can't lose you too."

There was silence, such horrible heavy silence in the room as Shane waited for a reaction, words, an explosion, a knife in his throat, anything. But the man opposite him just stood frozen in place, staring at the growing puddle of blood on the dark surface of the desk. Uncertainty was showing through on his face for the first time in the years they had known each other, worked together, saved each other's asses more than a few times. The reveal of just that bit of humanity incited a pointless hope and in Shane's heart, but he wasn't the one that mattered here.

He would have gotten down on his knees to beg then, to beg that Ryan leave his honorable struggle, take his family and get the hell away from the poisonous reign of the king. The man had enough support and power to form his own damn kingdom. It wouldn't have been difficult, since Shane didn't have much pride left to lose, and if it meant Ryan would survive, he would gladly suffer the necessary blows to his fucking dignity.

"Okay." The quiet word shocked Shane from his thoughts, and it took a moment before his mind registered what the man had just said, and his shock must have shown on his face, too fierce of an emotion to hide beneath the mask he wore every single second he was on duty for the king.

"Okay," Ryan said again, finally raising his eyes to look at the taller man. His grip loosened on the knife and he twisted his hand until strong calloused fingers gripped Shane's wrist, putting pressure over the bleeding wound. "I'll go, but come with me. You can get out too."

Now it was Shane's turn to still, the ever-present ache in his chest sharpening in a split second, the wound that never closed. "I-I can't." Tears spilled down his face to mix with the rain that had not yet dried, his words barely getting past the tightness in his throat. "Sara-"

"Madej." Goldsworth cut him off, fingers digging into his wrist and sending a jolt of pain up Shane's arm, bringing him back to the here and now with the command in his voice. The man's eyes softened as he looked at Shane, and the taller man felt dread take hold in his mind before the man spoke.

“My men found the ashes two days ago, the seer says it's her.” A pause, “She’s gone, Shane.”

Shane reeled, floundered, tears running dry. Sara was gone. The woman he had planned to spend his life with, then taken away by guards, the knowledge of her life within the capitol a constant harrowing on his soul. Was death really that bad, compared to being held as the counterweight for his obedience? Shane should be happy that she finally didn’t need to suffer because of him. He had done enough damage to this world.

Distantly, he felt Goldsworth’s hand on the back of his neck, pulling him forward until their foreheads touched gently, the touch all there was to tether him to reality, he could feel the man’s breath on his face when he spoke.

“She would have wanted you to get out. You’re a good man, you don’t deserve this.” The words shot through the grief clouding Shane’s brain, and he managed to focus on Goldsworth’s mouth, reading the words as they were uttered.

“I’m going to need you to be brave,” Ryan said, giving Shane’s neck a light squeeze until the taller man was nodding slightly, though how much of that was a conscious decision than tremors he did not know. He tried to speak, and it took a few attempts for the broken syllables to spill out.

“Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment to tell me what you think, they make my week :)


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